About Me

I got used to mentally self-sufficient. Support and care from others is a nice-to-have feature in life, but it's hard for me to trust and rely on others again after going through several years of loneliness and melancholy.

It's hard to recall when did an optimistic girl lock her heart, but the years since I isolated myself have been the worst years in my life. Getting through each day has been a struggle, I was always thinking about ending this dreadful life. Cutting, intentional starving, until I collapsed at a ridiculously low BMI of 13 and nobody was around. My eyes were open, I could hear sounds but was lying there without any sense of feeling as if I was floating in the air. Every parts of my body, except eyes, were unable to move. That lasted for quite a while before I became conscious again. I wanted to die but scared at the same time. I went to my primary care physician with a wobbly pace. "You are dying," he screamed, "you have no choice besides going to ER!"...That was where my recovering journey began. Intense psychiatrist and physician checkup every week, fighting with the demon in my head everyday, daytime sleepiness from medications. I had no life besides participating in therapy until I was strong enough to walk a few blocks. I reconnected myself to the reality by getting back to school for another degree. Besides having a goal of perfect GPA, I was unable to fit in the crowd. Those two years in school, I have been pushing my limit to an extreme: sleeping three to four hours, studying every detail of the materials. My purpose of life at that point was to study and study, to be exact, keeping my mind busy to prevent negative thoughts. Time flies and I graduated in December 2016. Whether it was lucky or not, I started my very first full-time job in May 2017. Yea, 2017 is a tipping-point: a new ride to break me from the virtual prison, interesting people at workplace, a professional licence (Will talk about 2017 in a separated post)...I won't say I am 100% happy right now but having a purpose of life is what I need ^_^ Stay strong, keep fighting!!